Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Chick Flicks Should Just Stop

The Back Up Plan = Please Just Stop Already. First of all, in the real world Jennifer Lopez would never not be able to find a man, and of course she has to be successful, hot, and living in New York one of the biggest cities in the world. Give me a break. I actually had hope for this movie, maybe because artificial insemination is a recent and controversial way many women are trying to conceive. I think this movie had a lot of potential and although there were funny parts I feel like all chick flicks are just too similar. Maybe people just expect happy endings now, but I miss the feel good movies with some shock value.

Pretty Women, a reformed prostitute, pure genius. It was shocking but it works. I personally couldn't believe it at the end of My Best Friend's Wedding when Durmont Mulroney picked Cameron Diaz, but it's still clear that life would go on for Julia Roberts. Titanic, nothing is more tragic and more perfect than the death of Jack Dawson. Not to mention that Rose gets to live her life and do all that cool shit, like horse back riding on the beach. Finally, and maybe the most important words ever uttered at the end of a chick flick are "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." The final scene in Gone With the Wind when Rhett Butler leaves Scarlett O'Hara on the stair case is completely classic. It instills determination in our heroine, it does not leave with us with a picture-perfect ending, but shows how selfishness gets you no where. I don't doubt Scarlett gets her man back, but it's refreshing not knowing for sure.

I guess they just don't make girl movies like they use to, which is a real shame. But if movies were anything like real life, no one would want to watch them. Even true stories are beefed up to become more heartfelt and less honest. The classic films are always the honest ones. Guess I should have watched Glee tonight instead, which in my humble opinion, is an honest, yet feel-good representation of high school, and musicals rock (because they require real talent). Anyway that is a whole other story. Hope this rant was slightly entertaining.

-C

Monday, April 26, 2010

Strange Day

Today was such a strange day, but in a good way. Being back in Welland brings back so many memories. I felt more like myself today, and it pretty much rocked. I have felt a little out of control lately, but not in a reckless way or anything. I just feel like I can breathe clearly now, even though Guelph air quality is most likely better. I never thought being at home would make me feel this way. It's a combination of nostalgic and refreshed.

However, my room is a disaster. Maybe organizing my things has made me feel better about my disorganized life. Things will work out for me, they just have to, and I will make them. Determination is now how I function, and stressing out over everything didn't make the cut.

I never realized how good it feels to throw things out, like I use to keep every little thing forever, but making room for the new is important. A fresh start beats hanging onto the old. There are definitely things worth keeping and worth improving. But my advice to all you hoarders is if you're not totally sure something is worth having, get rid of it. My old life is out and here comes the new and improved! Hope you all are ready...

-C

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Thank you Jessica Morena for being lame, now I may be equally lame...

Are you ready for some questions that you barely find in other surveys?
Obvi!

What are you about to do?
be lame

Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
Hell's yeah but recently more than ever

Do you want someone back in your life?
Absolutely.

How much money did you spend today?
I spent the majority of my day with Jess and Felicia laying around, it was awesome and free.

How do you feel about your hair right now?
My hair = long and powerful. My hair has a life of its own, a crazy tangled life but it does indeed live.

What are you doing besides this?
Sitting with my brother, we are both on our laptops not talking but chillin. It is very 21st century

Are you starting to realize anything?
I'm starting to realize that even though life can throw you a curve ball sometimes, which can be sad, it is still good, fun, exciting, and everyday is new.

Ever had a sleepover with the opposite sex?
I remember when we use to have to trick our parents and say that us girls were always sleeping at each others' houses. We always got caught, always.

Would you rather have a big house or a big garden?
As long as a house feels like home size matters very little to me (for houses ;) I would love to have a garden/pond combo.

Do you ever watch movies with the subtitles on just for fun?
Subtitles do not bother me because Jess is my best friend and I have learned to deal

Truth or Dare always turns sexual, doesnt it?
It totally does because that's the only way it's fun

Do you wish someone would show up at your front door right now?
I'm pretty content with no visitors tonight

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
My hair is past my shoulders. Is that what this question is asking?

Are you alone in the room?
Nope got the broski here.

Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
Edward Cullen (but seriously no one they are much too fucked up for anyone to handle)

How many texts are in your inbox?
The max, 100

If you had to dye your hair another color what would it be?
Red, I love having red hair but black requires way less maintenance

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you:
I usually go for taller guys but honestly height really isn't a big deal for me.

What do you wash first in the shower?
My feet and hair last

Name your last reason for using a camera?
Last night in Guelph :(

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Always depends on the weather, and I haven't watched it yet.

When you’re getting ready for something, do you listen to music?
Not really, unless I'm with people and excited

Do you have any nieces or nephews?
No I'm the oldest.

Could you go a month without cursing?
I couldn't go a whole day. My own mother tried to give up swearing for lent and lasted only a couple hours

Would you ever live with any of your best friends?
I would totally, and I will miss living with Naomi.

Will this Friday be a good one?
It's my mom 50 birthday so yeah should be good.

Whens the last time you cried yourself to sleep?
Oh you know...it happens..sometimes.

Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for?
Yes a select few.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
No that's ridiculous, it was my mommy.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
Yeah last night I slept in Jess' bed because mine was covered in stuff.

Was this weekend a good one?
It was different, left Guelph, came home to Welland...no more school and it hasn't really sunk in.

Do you like thunderstorms?
They freak me out, I like to be close to someone during them

Whats the weather like outside?
Night time weather

When is your birthday?
10/10 baby

Are you wearing jeans right now?
yes which is crazy because I'm at home and it's late.

What color is your shirt right now?
University of Guelph History sweater and currently my favorite piece of clothing

Do any of your friends annoy you?
Naw I don't gravitate towards annoying people

Have you seen your best friend(s) cry?
Yeah, it is sad but sometimes necessary

Do you like late night phone calls?
I use to be sort of addicted to them, but now they are more of a treat. Druken ones not so good though.

What drink do you usually want if your thristy?
Water, especially Guelph tap water..I will miss the water sooo much

Have you seen pretty girls but have such nasty hearts there ugly?
What constitutes a "nasty heart?" Is that like Lord No Heart (Care Bears style)?

What bothers you most about being under 18?
shit eh I shouldn't be 21 and filling this out

Would you say your well liked?
I have lots of friends on facebook..does that count?

Has your bestfriend ever seen you naked?
I actually don't think so...no naked pictures are allowed on facebook :(

Can you say you’ve been in love?
Yeah, LOVE HURTS!!!OH yeah

How many people have you kissed?
No idea.

How did you and the person you hate get to this point?
hate is too strong of a word...too much hate not enough love

Do awkward moments make you sweat?
I'm just a sweaty girl, sweaty but not smelly (not always smelly..hopefully :)

On rainy days what are you mostly doing?
Sleeping i hate rain..and i mean hate!

Do you listen to sad music when your upset?
No happy music, I liked to be cheered up

Has anyone laughed in your face when your crying?
That's just an awful thing to do

What color are your nails and toe nails?
My nails are Navy Blue..it's pretty

If your in a hurry how do you do your hair?
Idiot clip...classic

What’s your current dream job?
Rockstar Historian

When you cry can you talk clear?
No I'm one of those awkward breathing criers and it's not pretty

What’s your most common mood?
Generally happy

Do you like poems?
No..thank you English minor. But I absolutely adore a well written novel.

Going Gaga for Gaga

If I could be anyone in the world for a day (currently living) I would totally be Lady Gaga.

She is so extreme, yet so confident. I think she is amazingly talented and did such an incredible job making a splash, which isn't easy in the 21st century. She is a combination of Cher, Madonna, and Boy George. A total shock to the world, and it works for me. It must be totally awesome to reinvent yourself the way she has, and to do that and still be ridiculously talented. Like the girl can sing (and I have no doubts that she is in fact a female, allegations that she is a man are stupid). People can't handle different, yeah she wears leotards, get over it already. Lady Gaga could also definitely be anyone, she has that whole Hannah Montana thing going on, like blonde wig and fake name, completely possible and wicked.

Sometimes I think about how being a different person for a while would actually be nice. Do you ever feel like you need a break from your life? Being someone else would solve that because you could have change, without it really effecting your real life. Too bad I can't sing, and would look terrible as a blonde. Maybe I just need to find myself or whatever. Now that I am done school I guess anything is possible. Makes me feel a little crazy. But crazy is good, works well for some. You go Gaga!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It's about life

I think everyone, at some point in their life, loses a sense of who they are. Being alone can bring tremendous amounts of clarity. I love to be with people and I am constantly running from place to place, but eventually, loneliness creeps up on you. Sometimes its just better to breathe in and step away from everything and everyone. Loneliness both depresses me but relaxes me, and as scary as it is, its new and refreshing.

Tomorrow is my last shift at Bulk Barn, and Friday is my last undergraduate university exam. It's the end of an era. I have lived in Guelph for four years; I have made a life for myself, and saying goodbye to an old life is incredibly painful. Being comfortable has always been my safety net in life, and it terrifies me to leave, to change. I have no choice, and on days like today, it feels both challenging and gratifying to think about moving on. To think about growing up.

I wish I had all the answers, and I wish that right now my life made sense, even if it just made sense to me. But when I look back to when I was younger, even a couple years, I think about how much I have been forced to learn. I wonder if I would have made better decisions if I knew then what I know now. And I'm doing okay because knowledge is power (As Francis Bacon once argued, and its too bad I didn't know that for my science and society final, although I do now!).

Lately there have been people who have both disappointed me and surprised me, and as important as some people are in my life, I am slowly learning that my life can't be focused on every other person and how to make them happy. Your life should be about you. I am learning, about me, about what I want, and what I deserve, and it feels damn good. And with that dear reader I bid you goodnight.

-C

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Cruel Intentions

Do you ever feel like maybe you're becoming a bad person? Or a person who makes poor choices, does mean things to people who are potentially good?

I use to think there were two types of people, that you were either good or bad. Without a doubt I would have called myself a good person, strong morals and values, honest, hardworking. Lately things seem a little blurred. It's not about being good or bad because there are definitely shades of gray. I don't want to hurt anyone. Is it wrong to make decisions based on your own selfish interests, even though it might directly hurt someone else? Not someone you love just someone else, someone potentially good, better than you. I want to be good, but sometimes it feels good to be bad.

The bad guys always get screwed, and I don't mean good vs. bad guy in a conventional sense. I mean the selfish, gray characters. For example, Anne just wanted to be Queen and lost her head, Scarlett wanted Ashley and lost Rhett, Lady Macbeth could never get the blood stains off her hands, and Kathryn just wanted to have sex with her brother, but got busted for a coke addiction. Great characters, successful women, selfish, and ruined. They put up such an admirable fight to get what they want, and get so close, but ultimately they don't deserve it. I always find myself rooting for these characters, and maybe its because on a level I can relate. It scares me, to be driven and not succeed, but perhaps, what scares me more is to push too hard and succeed by non-honourable means. I would never do anything to jeopardize what I have worked for, but doing even little hurtful things can spiral you into becoming a person you never thought you could be. All because of simple, cruel intentions.

-C

Friday, April 16, 2010

A Heart Full of Bitterness

Bitterness, it can overwhelm you. Not letting go is a terrible distraction. I just keep telling myself to take my time. I don't want to slow down and everything feels different. I wish I could sleep, but being awake is more relaxing.

Today I realized that its impossible to cram two and a half centuries worth of Early Modern English conflict, violence, religion, and politics into six hours of studying. Why people go to the quiet section of the library to have conversations about getting busted for drug dealing is beyond me. Why aren't these people in jail? Irrelevant. Why are these people at my table, at my library, at my University? How do they find me? Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time, but I'm sure people would annoy me just as much.

With the bad comes the good, almost always. One exam is separating me from my degree, its the home stretch and I can't wait! Look out world, here I come.

-C

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Why (in my humble opinion) Toronto Sucks

1)There were several times where I was afraid for my life.
2)The traffic is crazy, like people are actually insane. I think if you are going to drive in Toronto you need to have a special license. There should be a test to re-educate Toronto people on how to drive safely without almost killing people like a hundred times a day.
3) Everyone is either really skinny, or really weird. I think it's because so many people walk (obviously because they are too afraid to drive and who can blame them) but honestly some of the girls think the middle of the afternoon is a serious fashion show. Damn skinny, pretty girls make me look bad. All the business people are fit and very professional looking. And the other people on the street well I just don't know what to say, I'm so small town, we only had one crazy guy (Crazy Pat) and no one went near him.
4)It's crowded and loud all the time.
5)It is easy to get sucked into the Eaton Centre (I spent the whole day there and time just flew by like rapid fire)

However, the big city is exciting and makes you feel alive. People who live in Toronto are brave and must lead interesting lives. The experience made me a little wary for London, but still the possible adventures that await make city life indescribable.

-C

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

You Say Goodbye And I Say Hello

Today was a good day. My mind felt clear for once, and it's been a long time since I've felt that way. After writing an exam, the relief you feel is amazing, like you have completely emptied your brain, and now it can just melt away until you force it to think again.

I felt happy too. I will miss Guelph, the way the city makes me feel, and the people here who have become like my family. I will miss all the simple things too. The Guelph buses have been a crucial part of my life, they take you anywhere, anytime, for free! I can't imagine not walking through campus, even through the slush, rain, wind, and the deadly uneven bricks that have tried to kill me over the years, the university is so beautiful. When the sun does decide to shine, I swear the place glows. In Guelph people seem to hold doors open for others, even if it's not at all convenient. The school is filled with smiling and approachable people, and it just feels like home.

Four years have passed, if you are like me change is frightening, but it is also inevitable. Optimism is key, and the future is bright. You say goodbye and I say hello...hello, hello :)

-C

Monday, April 12, 2010

Ugggh!

One of the most painful things in life is being trapped inside forced to study a subject you have completely given up on when the weather outside is gorgeous and calling to you. The French Revolution is pissing me off. I am so done with this semester that I have not been able to force myself to study, which is pathetic and potentially dangerous. I wish I had the capability, like so many others, not to care so much about school. It would eliminate much of the stress that I allow to rule my life. I need to get out of this city, nay this country. I need a fresh start...I need a revolution in my life!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Procrastination

This will not be an ingenious piece of writing, a work of art, an all inspiring story, or even anything particularly worth reading. I need change in my life, and this is a small step forward.

I never really understood blogs, journals are more personal and truly revealing of a person's character. However, journals are private, boring and not at all 21st century. Blogs are a public display of one's life, which is both fascinating and creepy. Life today revolves around public outlets like facebook and twitter, where people are constantly publishing everyday life experiences for strangers ("friends") to see. So why not jump on the band wagon with a blog? Right now I'd rather do anything than study.

-C