why so complicated?

For the life of me I cannot understand why certain people thrive off making the simplest things complicated. Isn't life difficult enough? I waste a significant amount of my time worrying about school, money, my future etc. etc. I hate having to think about my relationships with other people. Socializing should be the easiest and most enjoyable part of the day. When certain individuals sneak around trying to manipulate other people to gather what usually turns out to be completely irrelevant information, it really pisses me off. If you have something to say to someone or if you have feelings for a person...just tell them. Honestly, what is the worst that can happen? Rejection? Life is full of it, but grow some balls and put yourself out there. Good things happen to those who try.

Gossip. Slander. I'm not stating that I'm completely innocent in this department. We have all been victims and perpetrators in the gossip circle of life, but seriously are we still fifteen? Really? I value honesty above anything else. Sometimes the most refreshing comment is when someone says what everyone else is thinking. Again, life is easier when people just put it out there.

Some of the most intelligent people I have met have zero social skills. Why? How is that even possible? The people who are the most fun are the those who can let loose. Let's just stop thinking and start living.

This weekend I finally came to life again. I love being with people who know how to live. Sometimes too the best moments, the most intimate moments, are when they are no words because what is unsaid is just as beautiful, when feelings are sincere, it just happens. Connecting with someone is more than a physical attraction, even good conversation. I am not suggesting those things aren't important because they are absolutely essential, but you also need to just relax. A light heart and a sense of humour are two of the most admirable qualities, and so simple. It has to be simple. It just has to be.

Hot Shower

Do you ever just really need a hot shower, but the water refuses to get hot enough? I hate that. You turn the hot water on full blast, and it's certainly not cold, but it's not as hot as it should be. You stand there, wondering and cursing whoever is doing laundry or dishes because the only thing you absolutely needed to go as planned was your simple, mundane, everyday, hot shower. I guess there's always tomorrow. But it doesn't change the miserable fact that today, I'm still freezing.

Under Pressure..

If there is one feeling I despise it's desperation. I have been feeling so desperate lately. I have a new life, a good one. Yet I want to run away, I might just crack under the pressure.

It is difficult to live day to day, if you think too much. For most people I'm sure living in the moment is simple, perhaps enjoyable, and maybe it is just what we (as humans) are suppose to do. However, for crazy people, like me, who unconsciously analyze every minuscule detail of their life, being told to take one day at a time is torture. The future haunts me almost as much as the past (and since I live my life in history text books the past haunts me a lot). I hate uncertainty, and I am desperate for a concrete plan. I have no long-term plan, and it destroys me.

I'm young, fairly attractive, educated, have my whole life/career ahead of me, etc., etc., but I still manage to find something to complain about everyday. It's a hard knock life.

There is no place like home... but there are better places.

Tomorrow marks my return to Canada, Welland, but mostly to the people and life I left behind. How do I feel? I am not even remotely sure. Excited maybe, but overwhelmingly anxious is probably a better description. I cannot wait to see certain individuals, but I almost feel like I began to build a different life here. Not necessarily a better one, but I've changed. I don't feel so small town, and it feels surprisingly good knowing that I can survive in the big city.

My heart aches because I am leaving someone new behind. Someone that I never even intended to meet. I love and hate how things just happen, and all of a sudden your life has changed, your entire outlook on life has changed. The world feels much smaller and impossibly bigger at the same time. It has been an incredible journey and it feels horrible that it has come to an end.Although, I have this strange sensation that something new and exciting has just started for me. I feel like a grown up and for the first time ever I am not so afraid. It's amazing when you can feel your life actually going somewhere. Tomorrow will be Canada, but the future is unbelievably unpredictable, which I understand now more than ever.

See you soon,
C

How London Stole Me!

I realize this is long overdue.

I cannot believe the things life throws at you. I am so incredibly grateful to still be in London. I knew I had to stay, it was just one of those things that you know I miss my people, but I have met new fantastic people who are wonderfully intriguing. I could not pass up the opportunity to stay, but I am sorry if I have disappointed anyone. I know you will survive without me a little longer.

I also cannot believe my luck.I am sitting in a Pret A Manger (which is like the English equivalent of Starbucks), and they just gave me a free hot chocolate, not to mention the free wi fi. What more could a person ask for? But seriously this summer I have seen so much, done so much, lived with a wonderful family, who I will miss terribly. However, now I get to experience the city with people! It feels amazing to be social again! I am in London and I can't waste anymore time pouring my thoughts out like this. There is just too much to do.

See you all soon..maybe

:) C

From a Fancy Hotel Lobby

This summer I started a new life. I left the country I was born and raised in, and moved to another continent for three months. I am starting to miss my old life more and more. The most valuable thing a person can have in life is people who love them. What I miss most is being with people that understand me and know me on a deeper level. At first it was awesome that people thought I was different and interesting because I was an Au Pair from Canada with a University degree in History. It is truly amazing how boring your life story can be after you tell it to enough people. Even if I had the most adventurous life, which I don't, you get horribly sick of the sound of your voice after enough people ask you about you 'American' accent. I do long for the people that really don't care about my education, nationality, or current occupation. I miss the people who miss me.

However, homesickness is only natural after a while, and I have no regrets. If I achieved nothing else, I now have a perfectly rehearsed self history. I like to think it's modest. Try me sometime. For now I think I will leave the hotel lobby and sleep.

C

A Breif Life in Spain

I have this thing with boats. I mean I've always liked them, but I am recently a little obsessed with them. Coasting over waves is a freeing experience, and water can be astoundingly beautiful. I can feel my stomach doing loops, and it feels amazing.

I never knew that water could be so incredibly blue, of course I knew that crystal clear, blue water existed somewhere in the world, but seeing is very different from knowing it's out there. Swimming with fishes, is like being in another world. If I could spend several days at a time living on a yacht, I would, in a heart beat. If I ever acquire enough money to own a boat, I will. It's name will be Jenny, I owe it to Forrest. The only thing better than the sea is the feeling of the sun soaking into my skin. Absorbing the vitamin D and then looking in the mirror never felt better. My skin glows, and I swear it's never looked better. Thank goodness for sun screen and moisturizer though.

Food. The food in Canada sucks. I'm sorry I have always had a strong passion for food, and Canada, but if the French specialize in one thing it's food. I've never eaten in Canada like I have here. The family I am with in Spain are French, Moroccan, and boy do they know everything about wonderful food. I never thought I would eat squid, sardines, partridge, swordfish, lamb and like it, the list of different and incredible food goes on and on, everything I try is more magnificent then the last.

I went to the doctor today for my ear infection. My little ears cannot handle diving, which is very unfortunate because it's so much fun. Despite the burning sensation, I feel like I am now on my way to a swift recovery. Only three more weeks left of the most adventurous summer of my life.

I am proud of myself. I did something brave this summer. I am definitely different. I feel way more open to new things. I feel more open to the world, more exposed.

This summer I changed.

-C

Sunny Spain

Spain is a real eye opener to the world. I never thought I would find myself in a situation where I was a minority. I understand that sounds terrible, but it's true. As ignorant as I may be; I am finding it exceedingly difficult to be in a country and not be able to communicate with anyone. Not only can I not speak or understand Spanish, but here most people also speak either French or German. I blame the Canadian education system, and partly myself for not making more of an attempt to learn French.I miss English conversations most of all, but thank goodness for books.

The island Mallorca is exquisite. For some reason I never expected there would be mountains, and they are so beautiful. Tropical trees never fail to amaze me, and the constant sunshine is definitely something I can live with. My days might not be as historically rewarding as they were in England, but I will not be complaining about the swimming, snorkeling, or tropical fish. You'd be surprised how quickly you get use to the taste of salt water, and the jellyfish stings. I will have to adventure out to the city at least once to see the Cathedral there. I am quite content to relax for the next month, and I am positive I will have the most wicked tan of my life.

C

When you have a difficult day what do you do?

I always take a long, hot shower after. However, living in the English countryside one should remember that long, hot showers can only last twenty minutes. The hot water tank is not endless.

I cry. I use think a girl could never cry too much if she was upset, especially if it was time (it can be time for various reasons 1) it's been a long time 2) a special time 3) an emotional movie, play, or greeting card). However, the ultimate crying rule that trumps all the rules even the main one: "it being time," is that you should not cry more than three days in a row. That is when you know you are actually sad and need to make a change.

Change. It is the best cure for a day gone wrong. It can be simple; do something you wouldn't normally do, like pick up a good book, plan a day for yourself, get in touch with an old friend. If it is bad, do all three or something like it.

Always remember that life moves forward. Tomorrow you could go to a castle and by the end of the week be in Spain! You never know, so you should really stop feeling sorry for yourself. Today sucked, but my life still rocks. It really really rocks.

C

Cheers to England!

Ten things I will miss terribly about England.
1) London, London, London (being able to hop on a train to one of the most magnificent cities in the world is as fantastic as it sounds)
2) Costa coffee- there are no words.. other than the stuff has made a coffee drinker out of me..Who knew?
3) Walking in the English countryside- when I listen to my i-pod the hills are most definitely alive with the sound of music
4) The accents - living in a world where everyone sounds like they are from harry potter is something I could live with for a long time
5) The money- I am finally use to pounds and pence I looked at a Canadian dollar the other day and was like "ugh what is that?"
6) The history- when almost everyday feels like the best and simplest history lesson, it's a good day.
7) The baking- something which at first I dreaded and now surprisingly I love..minus the millions of calories that follow.
8) My adventures- whether it be getting lost in the city, meeting locals with different lives, or spending the day in a museum I can't pull myself away from, it has been quite the adventure
9) The train ("So it's true then, what they're saying on the train, Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts." - Is there any other way to travel? classically English, love it!
10) The way this country makes me feel...Alive. Refreshed. Like there is a whole world out there waiting to be seen. By me. It feels good.

Many thanks goes out to...
1) Most importantly everyone who has supported me..for making this decision and for keeping in touch with e-mails, facebook, and msn. It all makes me so appreciative of 21st century technology. You guys make me feel secure and so much less homesick.
2)Leslie Rossi, my Au Pair mom, for letting me out of the house to see some of the most incredible sights, and for helping direct me to them. I am so thankful my sense of direction has improved tenfold.
3)Thank you To the Yeoman at the Tower of London, who have the greatest jobs ever! Living in the tower is enough to command my respect, but the tours they provide are incredible. All the tour guides are amazing in London. The Yeoman did a particularly good job summarizing the tower's infamous history, and creating a chilling and entertaining Jack the Ripper walk.
4) Many thanks to Andrew Lloyd Weber for writing the best musical of all time. To the Phantom of the Opera for being the greatest, most powerful, and tragically misunderstood villain, for making me cry for two and a half hours, and fall completely in love with London theatre.
5) Thanks and much love goes out to Tailtee because without you I never would have properly seen the English countryside. Your company and guidance was much appreciated, I will miss you dearly.
6) As vain as it might be I would like to thank myself, for taking a chance, and making the best possible decision for me. I would do it all again a million times over.

As sad as it is to leave I know that I have had an unforgettable experience, and that England has not seen the last of me. Look out Spain, here I come.

C

Henry, Elizabeth, and Me

If I had endless amounts of money the one thing I would absolutely do is spend a night in Hampton Court. I would make the largest donation ever, so they wouldn't refuse me. It took me 6 hours of travel time and seven buses to get there and back, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

The palace is half 16th century Tudor, made famous of course by King Henry VIII, and the other half is baroque architecture transformed by King William III. All I have to say is that the palace is an incredible blend of the two styles, and thank goodness William ran out of money rebuilding it because so much of the Tudor architecture would have been lost. For the 17th century sections though, props to Sir Christopher Wren once again.

Historical actors make my life. Why am I not in this line of work? Henry VIII and Katherine Parr's wedding was amazing and surprisingly believable. I bowed at the feet of Henry VIII. I can understand the world's obsession with this man even today, not just because of his scandalous life or six wives, but because the guy had a real presence. A charisma that could dominate a room, enchant everyone around, and a power that could equally command emotions of both fear and love. I very easily (and happily) found myself shouting "God save the King," falling to one knee every time he entered the room, averting my eyes, and answering with "Your Grace," or "Your Majesty" when he spoke to me. Which he did, freaking Henry VIII spoke to me, or at least as close as I am going to get to Henry VIII. It was like being star struck; I know a little silly to be over an unknown actor, or a guy whose been dead for centuries. Either way though, it feels pretty good when a King, even a false one, acknowledges you. It makes me think that I would have been a damn good courtier.

Poor Henry VIII, the first monarch to have a completely secure throne in years after the bloody, gruesome, and tragic War of the Roses or Cousins' War where Henry's father, Henry VII, came out the final victor. So naturally Henry's greatest fear was to lose the throne again because everyone was completely sick of war by that point. Could you imagine spending everyday of your life fearful because you didn't have a son to follow you? It became his obsession, which is why we have divorce, and multiple marriages. Still a popular trend, nice one Henry. The happy ending to Henry's life is that he did get a beloved son, Edward, from the pious woman he considered his only true wife, Jane Seymour. Unfortunately, Edward died at age 15, only six years after he was crowned. The real tragedy of the story is that the powerful, charismatic Henry would never know that he in fact did not need a son because his little princess Elizabeth, with her fiery red hair, possessed extremely similar qualities. We do know that Elizabeth I was the most successful of Henry's three children, she had a long, stable reign, and lives on in English history as one of the most celebrated monarchs of all time.

Moral of the story: do not long for what you do not have, appreciate what you do because you never know where it might lead. I don't think I have a shot at being Queen, but never under estimate the power of a determined woman.

Thoughts on housework, battling bugs, and life in general...

Laundry. It is never ending. As a child I never understood how my mother could do so much laundry, and never finish it. Now I do. When you have children who have school uniforms, sports uniforms, regular clothes, pajamas, socks, underwear, bedding, towels...the list literally never ends. When you finally wash, dry, and iron everything, it just begins all over again the next day when the previous day's items are, of course, dirty. And if you even think about skipping a day of laundry then pretty much laundry hell breaks loose. I think we should stop wearing clothes all together, like come on people it's the 21st century, being so technologically advanced you think we'd get over our nakedness already. For me the absolute worst part of the laundry is the spiders. I am always thankful for a non rainy day in England, but it also means I have to hang the clothes up on the line outside. These tiny, little tree spiders make their webs from the trees to the clothes pins, and they land on me when I hang up the clothes. This may not seem like a big deal, but the line is literally infested, every clothes pin has a spider. To make matters worse, the tiny spiders bite me and it hurts. They are little tiny fang bites, but they leave bumps on my arms. The tragic thing about these bites is that they are useless, since I have not yet developed any super powers.

One of the grossest things I have ever seen was when the spider I had vacuumed up yesterday crawled out of the vacuum today when I picked it up. I have never been afraid of spiders before, this one was hairy, and it gave me such a fright. Country life has it's pros and cons. Another really weird thing about England is the lack of screens. Most people have screens on their windows, you know, to block out spiders, bees, wasps, and all the other terrifying insects that I repeatedly have to kill in my bathroom. Everyone seems really content to just let them fly right in, which is fine, expect for when they decide to stay. Screens, I miss em.

I know I do my fair share of complaining about having to iron, but the truth is that I'm really starting to enjoy it. Not only am I getting quicker and better, but today I watched this national geographic special on the prehistoric Megalodon shark. Educational, fascinating, and productive, which to me is an hour well spent.

On a totally unrelated to anything note, I was looking at some old e-mails today and I cam across some an old creative writing piece that I was forced to do in second year. I had completely forgot I had even written a short story, and I was actually surprised how my writing didn't make me cringe. I have made it a resolution of mine to start more creative writing. I will also be taking better care of my skin, which is again unrelated to all previous topics, but I bought some cleanser, toner, and moisturizer today, and I am quite excited about it.

I am nervous to go to Hampton Court tomorrow. It will be a serious mission, and will involve me finding my way around the busiest bus station in the United Kingdom. Wish me luck, I will need it. Despite the fact that housework never goes away, that scary bugs have become my constant companions, and that most of the time I travel I have no clue where I'm going and often get lost; I love my job, I love England, and I love that I spend my days off in castles and palaces.

Goodnight,
C

A History Lesson: Warwick Castle= Amazing

Warwick castle was unreal. Warwick is a smaller village community near Stratford Upon Avon, but wow they know how to entertain tourists. I was excited to go to the castle because I'd never been to a one before, but I didn't have the highest expectations. I thought it would be a neat experience, but more of a cheap thrill. The castle exceeded my expectations. It did have some wonderful thrills; I was terrified during the castle dungeon tour, but the state rooms and great halls were unbelievably gorgeous and well restored, the wax figures were actually awesome, and the history, well that's always my favorite part.

During the castle dungeon tour, live guides popped out at us, which I was fully expecting. However, they also presented the "horrible history" of the castle in a fun, entertaining and spooky way. The dungeon "cook" spoke about the effects the bubonic plague have on the human body, the first symptoms are the appearance of buboes, which are sores that surface on the neck, thighs, face, and genitals. He then very gruesomely ripped open a mankind to expose the major organs as he tore them out he explained that the plague rotted your insides first. He grabbed the bladder exclaimed it was still full, and squirted us all with water. What an awesome job, get dressed up all scary, terrify tourists, talk about the plague and squirt people with water. Other guides talked about different types of torture, beheading, and I was put on trial for witchcraft. Yes it made my day, I loved how magical and interactive they made it. I totally pleaded guilty and was sentenced to be burnt at the stake. How cool is that?

I then toured the classy Great Hall and State Rooms of the castle, which were all decorated and restored to what they would have looked like centuries ago, complete with wax figures and everything. First they explained the story of my personal favorite Earl of Warwick, Richard Neville, "The Kingmaker." He succeeded in taking the throne from the mentally unstable Henry VI and gave it to young Edward IV, the Yorkist claimant. And the War of the Roses continued with the Yorkist, and Lancasterian feuds (both of their father's began the war trying to push the incompetent Henry off his throne but were both killed in battle). Warwick was very much the voice behind King Edward until he married the common, but beautiful Elizabeth Woodsville against Warwick's wishes, so he turned against his best friend, the King, and plotted to put Edward's own brother George Duke of Clarence on the throne, when that failed he resorted back to supporting the old,crazy king Henry again. He failed at both attempts and was killed in battle against Edward IV (because Edward never lost). Although, Edward did go on to die of a common cold, and his two sons are the princes in the tower that I mentioned before. Both who disappeared conveniently so Edward's other brother Richard (evil Richard III) could take the throne for himself. Treacherous guys. This was a huge tangent, I apologize. Moral of the story, you can't even trust your closest friends or family, when it comes to the throne of England. Anyway, my point is that I got to waltz right into the mighty Warwick's great hall, but it was very intimidating all covered with medieval armor. The castle dates back to William I "the conqueror," after his defeat of the Saxons the castle was a fortification to protect England (originally built in 1068).

One of my favorite little details about the castle that I had no idea about before I went there was that Queen Elizabeth I stayed there for a lavish visit in 1572. Why you ask? Her favorite at court, and Master of the Horse, Sir Robert Dudley, invited her there. Many suspect the couple went to the castle in order to have a romantic weekend to themselves as they were rumoured to have the most salacious affair. Anyway, the connection to Warwick is that Robert's brother Ambrose Dudley was Earl of Warwick at the time. I also went to St Mary's church in Warwick and visited the graves of Robert Dudley, his later wife Lettice Knollys, and their only son little Robert. Of course the Dudley and Elizabeth relationship doesn't work out because Robert's first wife, Amy, "accidentally falls down the stairs" and breaks her neck. This ruins Robert's reputation and almost Elizabeth's. That darn throne of England always destroying happiness. As you know the "virgin" Queen has an extremely successful rule but refuses to marry, and on her deathbed it is Robert's letter she holds dearly to her heart. (if you liked this bit of rambling the Virgin's Lover is a fantastic read).

The Cedar Drawing Room was probably the nicest sitting room I've ever been in. It is the largest and more elaborate of the drawing rooms in the castle. The reason it is called a drawing room is because 'drawing' is contraction of 'withdrawing,' which is what people did in these rooms after the great meal, to chill out and play cards or chess. You know before there were various less social distractions like TV, computers, or video games..how fascinating I know! The Green Drawing room was equally awesome because it contained all the wax figures of Henry VIII and his six wives, so naturally I took lots of pictures of myself with them.

Finally, the last room I feel compelled to talk about is the exquisite State Bed Room, that was personally designed for Queen Anne's visit in 1704. Unfortunately,even though they shipped over her huge four poster bed, she didn't show. At the time she had a massive falling out with a prominent lady from the English court, Duchess Sarah de Marble who was also staying at the castle. However, the bed remained at Warwick castle and was given as a gift to the Earl of Warwick by George VI. Let's not be too hard on Queen Anne she had quite a difficult life. Sixteen of her seventeen children died in child birth or infancy, and the soul survivor, he beloved son died at age twelve. Anne herself died young, they say of a broken heart, which ended the Stuart dynasty. The Stuart's were not lucky people.

I cannot leave out one of the castle's most delightful exhibitions. It's called the Royal Weekend Party, and the setting was incredible and quite opposite of the dungeon. As you walked in a maid announced your name and where you were from, but in a royal, old fashion manner. When I entered she yelled "Lady Carissa from Ontario Canada has arrived." There were again, many wax figures, and decorated rooms that were modeled to represent the castle in the 19th century when the Countess of Warwick, Frances Evelyn "Daisy" Greville use to throw her elaborate, lavish parities. It was her husband Francis Greville, who transformed the castle into a eloquent country mansion. The Countess had the most fascinating lifestyle. Many have said that she was the first women to be known internationally for her beauty. She also had several affairs, most famously, one with King Edward VII. Interestingly, this was not uncommon for Victorian women of a prominent status, as long as it was behind closed doors. The whole thing was fabulous presented, and I had no idea how scandalous and intriguing it would be.

On top of all this knowledge I had to store in my little brain, I climbed the 530 stairs of the castle towers. After that I didn't feel so guilty about the greasy fish and chips I had for lunch. The view was breathtaking, as it always is. If things couldn't get any better on my way out I spotted a Ben and Jerry's ice cream vending machine; it made my day.

C

10 reasons why I love my job...

1) I work in England
2) I just took a dog for a walk in the beautiful English countryside on a warm, sunny evening (yes this is apart of my job).
3) I live thirty minutes from Oxford, an hour from London, and tomorrow I get to spend my day off at a castle (Warwick, who is currently the villain in my book so I'm excited, and yes I enjoy historical fiction so what?)
4) I spend all of my pay checks and it doesn't bother me because really why not, I'm in a wicked cool country, I get paid in cash, and pounds doesn't even seem like real money to me.
5) I am getting really freaking good at ironing
6) The food is free
7) On a weekly basis I walk on the same ground as famous people from both the past and present (and most likely the future)
8) Yesterday, I drove past JK Rowling's flat in London
9) I've seen Vincent Van Gogh's Sunflowers painting, and work by other artists I adore like Picasso, Monet, Delarchoe, Gainsborough, and Hogarth
10) I have an accent and that makes me interesting to people, which is pretty neat, and it's also quite funny how much nicer people are when I tell them I'm a Canadian not an American

The downside is missing all you people!
<3 C

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life

So much to say so little time...because of course I have a super early bed time but ten thirty is late when you have to get up at six and iron your face off. Not literally of course that would hurt a lot because I steam burnt two of my fingers today and used the phrase "bloody hell" for the first time. I am so English.

London = Fabulous. It is completely brilliant. There is so much to do and no time at all. I was in the city from 830 am to 745 pm, which is nearly 12 hours and all I managed to do was a 2 hour bus tour, Westminster Abbey, St. Paul's Cathedral, and the Tower of London. All which were incredible so naturally I couldn't pull myself away in time to do anything else. Never fear faithful readers there will be many more trips to the city and many more stories but I will start with this...

Picture the most beautiful place on earth. You can't, but I can because I've been there, and you most likely haven't. I love my life. It is Westminster Abbey. The coronation place of 38 monarchs since 1066. I have walked on the same ground as some of the most powerful, wealthy, and glorious people who have ever lived. I said the Our Father yesterday in front of the graves of Elizabeth I Queen of England, Mary I, Henry VII (founder of the Tudor household), Mary Queen of Scots, Sir Issac Newton, and Charles Darwin. What did you do? Any Yes I actually said the Our Father in front of all of their graves because I respect these people with everything I have (now that I think of it the Our Father is a Catholic prayer so I probably should have not said it for Elizabeth). Anyway, the abbey rocked my world. I thought it was the coolest place I would ever step foot in, but it was wrong.

I bussed my way over to St. Paul's Cathedral, and after being in Westminster I didn't think churches could be any prettier, but my god Christopher Wren really out did himself with this one. I climbed 350 of the narrowest and most terrifying stairs of my life (hopefully) to the top to look over all of London. Breathtaking. From the 150 stair count there is the Whispering gallery that overlooks the entire Cathedral, words cannot even describe the beauty of the paintings on the ceiling that depict New Testament writers Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and other various saints. The Cathedral was rebuilt in the 17th Century after the Great Fire of London destroyed the majority of the city. Thank the lord for Christopher Wren who not only blessed us with St. Paul's but restored, and rebuilt London and designed most of Oxford University. The man was a visionary, I paid my respects at his grave in the St. Paul crypt. His contributions have made the world a more beautiful place. In my humble opinion.

I can't quite put into words how I felt at the Tower of London. I could use the cliche "it was a dream come true," which would be true in many respects because I have an obsession with the place and have actually had dreams of it. This might be due to my addiction to historical fiction that largely involves scenes from the famous tower. Many people know of the London Tower most famously or infamously as a prison, and it does give off an eerie vibe. At least certain sections, but anyway it is most notably a Royal Palace. The Queen still has apartments in the tower, which were used as recent as five years ago by Queen Elizabeth II. Many other queens throughout history have stayed here, my favorites include: Katherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, and Elizabeth I. Of course I could not enter this section of the tower because it is under 24 hour surveillance by an armed guard, those guys look so cool. There hats are made from bear skins from Canada, yay us! I also saw the crown jewels, which were exquisite and soo freaking sparkly. On a more depressing but awesome note I saw the execution green of Anne Boleyn, Katherine Howard and Lady Jane Grey. It is located right in the tower grounds and was a rare but honourable place to be executed. Only 6 executions took place here and those three ladies just mentioned were all Queens of England (of course Grey for only 9 days, stil counts).

My absolute favorite part of the day was the Bloody Tower, where the famous story of the missing princely brothers originates from. If you don't know this story do me a favour and look it up. It is one of history's gems. Basically during the War of the Roses (which was a civil war that lasted decades in England between royal families for the throne) the two York Princes lived in the tower and went missing after their father Edward VI's death in 1483. Many people believe either that either King Edward's own brother Richard (Richard III) had the boys killed so he could succeed to the throne, which he did becoming one of the most evil kings in history (thanks largely to my main man Bill Shakespeare). Others think that Henry Tudor (Henry VII) had the boys smothered so he could have a shot at his Lancasterian claim to the throne, which of course he did, beginning the great Tudor dynasty. And a perfect conspiracy theory was born. No one actually knows what happened. I'd go with Shakespeare and put my money on Richard III, but I'm a huge fan of both Bill and my Tudor peeps. If you like what you've read here I highly recommend the novel The White Queen as it is based off this history and has everything a good book should.

I am sorry if I was doing that boring, nerd thing again but this stuff is my gold, and is pretty much making my life right now. I still have so much to see, learn, and tell. As Samuel Johnson famously said "When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life." I agree, and although I am not a man I cannot see myself ever tiring of such a life fulfilling city. I hope you don't all get tired of me or my rambling. I bid you all goodnight as it is now past ten thirty.

C

How come every time you come around my London London Bridge wanna go down like London London...

We going down like London, London, London.

I am going to London tomorrow. I have a dozen maps printed, tons of bus schedules highlighted, and my tour booked marked with stickies to the max. Of course I still feel quite unprepared. London is one of the biggest cities in the world, and I am going there. By my self. Sometimes I feel like such a child, but I'm actually a grown up, or close enough to one that I don't look totally out of place wandering the streets of London alone. Hopefully.

I have read about London and its landmarks in so many books, and taken a handful of University courses that revolve around the city. I almost thought that I would never get there, or even as if the place didn't exist at all. The famous imaginary city. Where everything from the past has happened; coronations of many fantastic kings and queens, battles lost and victories won, the home of both many poor and many rich throughout history. An adventure awaits.

I can feel it. Can you feel it?

We all just want to belong

For the first time in my life I feel...I want to describe it as homesickness but I can't admit to missing Welland so I will say that I miss really belonging in people's lives.

I feel out of place. England is fantastic, but it is strange when no one speaks like you and looks at you funny when you open your mouth. English people also often refer to me as an American after I specifically inform them that I am Canadian, which angers me, quite a lot. They also have soo many coins, which are obviously called pounds and pence (P for short), but of course I repeatedly say dollars and cents, which leads to more glares. I have had the most positive experience so far, and I don't wish to complain or lead others to think I am of low opinion of this beautiful country or its wonderful people, but even being slightly foreign is much more difficult than I imagined.

I miss my people. More than anything I miss seeing the faces of those close to me. I dream constantly about the people I care about and waking up knowing it will be ages before I see their faces again is difficult. It is funny how well the mind hangs onto familiar images, in my dreams you people look exactly the same. I am starting to sound creepy. Sorry.

I need some serious friends here. Friendship is something I am sure everyone takes for granted on a daily basis. I have come to realize the importance of having friends like never before. I adore the family I live with and work for but age difference makes a big difference in the world of friendship.

The West Coast of England was incredible. Body Boarding in a wet suit is now one of my all time favorite things, being the adrenalin junkie that I am. Climbing 5 mile hills is the perfect way to work off 5 course meals. I realized I've never had 5 star food before and it is fantastic. I am grateful for everything...

I miss most the sense of belonging in my life that I think a person can only get from being surrounded by people they love and feeling the love back. As corny and silly as it sounds I 100% believe that love makes a person complete. Don't you guys forget about me!

All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players

Stratford Upon Avon was exquisite. William Shakespeare is legendary. So many people from all over the world visit the five houses related to his life in Stratford. For a small village town they have kept it so nice for tourists, there is lots to see but it also has preserved that quaint, small town feel. It was gorgeous and so interesting. Shakespeare, or the mystery of the man behind some of the greatest writing the world will ever know, fascinates me. So much of his life remains unknown, a timeless, brilliant writer left a mystery to the world, is a good story in itself. The town has done their research well and I learnt some things I didn't know about good ol Bill. I had no idea that the reason he often wrote about twins was because he fathered twins, Hamlet and Judith (although Hamlet died at age eleven). I also didn't no his father made sheep skin gloves! It is amazing what you can learn in a day.

I never realized how much of the world or life I was missing always being so close to home. Going out into the world is more than gratifying for me, it makes me feel, it makes me see. I never realized that I had never really seen hills before. The English countryside has these amazing green, and yellow hills. I understand that it is just grass, and farmland, but to me it's more. It's the world, new, fresh, and I can see it. It is like seeing for the first time, or what i imagine it would be like. And the feeling of going to a completely different place for a day, getting off the train and not knowing what direction to go, it makes you feel; scared, anxious, excited, alive. When I see places I've read about in books, it makes them real, knowing I've walked on the same ground as William Shakespeare, Henry VIII, Elizabeth I, Daniel Radcliffe; it makes me real.

To think that the majority of people spend most days just going through the motions of everyday life, makes me sad. To realize that I did this the majority of my life, makes me sick. Of course there are good days, bad days, and average days. But I know now that in my life I am meant to see and to learn. I am feeling more like myself than I ever have. I hate to iron, but it is a small price to pay because all the world's a stage and I will do anything to make sure I see the show.

C

So here's what happened in Oxford...

First I went to the Bodleian Library, and Charles Stuart (I) went there to hideout before the civil war. A sat on his throne. The same one, and then I felt skinny, which rocked. However, more importantly the Divinity School which is also part of the Library, was the first of Oxford University's examination rooms but it is also the movie set of Harry freakin Potter. They use two locations in the library (the Divinity School is the Hogwarts Hospital wing, and the actual upstairs part of the library is the Restricted Section). Can I just say that this information made my life! I saw some really old ass books too.

Then I went to the Church of the St. Virgin Mary and climbed 126 stairs to the top tower and looked over all of Oxford..it was epic and the church was so nice. Go Catholics (although it was obviously later reformed by the Protestants). I also went to the Sheldonian Theatre, which is where every Oxford convocation is held (from all 38 colleges, oh yeah Oxford University is made up of all the colleges and they are spread all over the city it is very cool).The way the system works is that in every college there are a small number of students who specialize in a field (like 5 history and 3 physics students or whatever, all the faculties), but all the history students would go to lecture in the history building, but the college is like their identity/residence (but yeah everyone in all the colleges gets a Oxford University degree and I wish i had one haha). So this Sheldonian theatre was built by the famous architect Christopher Wren in the 17th century ( it is called the Sheldonian because it is named after the chancellor of the university of the time, Gilbert Sheldon). Love the history..love it! So again I climbed 90 stairs and looked at Oxford from the top, and it was still awesome!

I also went to the Oxford Museum of the History of Science, which was nice because I just took a history of science course, which sucked because of the prof but the subject is interesting. I saw a piece of Einstein's blackboard, from a lecture he gave in Oxford in 1931, with his original writing from his theory of relativity. They also had one of the first Roman sundials, and so many Islamic ones and other tools. I saw so many collective tools, telescopes, and models of astronomy from the Royal Society. Like crazy models of the Ptolemaic system compared to the Copernicus one (pretty awesome). I am such a nerd.

Oxford Castle was the last thing I had time for but it was wicked. It was constructed originally, historians think by the Saxons, and made of stone as a defense tower (which makes it super unique because the Saxons traditionally made everything out of wood, but they made Churches out of stone. However, no one can find any evidence of it originally being apart of a church, so historians believe it is the only Saxon defense tower made of stone! (sooo cool eh!). I climbed 109 stairs to the top of the tower, and my legs were dying at this point but it was still very worth it. Anyway, around the 1070s a man (officer of some sort who was a close friend of William the freakin Conqueror) added to the tower walls and interior making it a castle. The castle was used for defense up until the 13th century when it became a prison for naughty Oxford students or so they say. But by the 16th century it was actually used as a high security prison in Oxford and some really cool Catholic and Protestant martyrs were imprisoned there. The tour had really neat stories. It was also built beside a hill, which is now called hangman's hill obviously because people were hanged there. It also had a basement where Oxford lectures would be held, which seems really weird but the entire city is so academic so I guess not that out of the ordinary. Anyway, one of the most famous people who spoke there was Geoffrey of Monmouth, who was the first person to write down the stories of Merlin, King Arthur and the Knights Templar. He often spread the stories in the basement which is called St. George's Crypt and it freaked me out a little bit.

The entire day was like history heaven. I love my life. That's all for now folks.

Greetings from Jolly Ol' England

I am finally getting settled into my new place in England, the jet leg took a while to shake off. Long Crendon is gorgeous, you have never seen hills until you've been to the English countryside. I think I am going to like it here, working as an au pair isn't bad. I can handle housework but I am starting to think that I could not iron to save my life. What is with the English and ironing? I think I've seen my mom iron twice in my entire life, here it's a lifestyle. I really can't complain though because Wednesday is my day off and my trip to Oxford. I'm ready for anything different. First Oxford and then London.

Miss you all,

C

I never really gave up on breaking out of this two star town

I have been incredibly busy preparing for England and Spain, so I haven't been updating. However, I am leaving tonight and I am ready for new and exciting things. It feels like my life is really beginning. It is finally my time to see such a different part of the world. I hope it's as good as I have it built up to be..I will let you know.

I've got the green light, I've got a little fight, I'm gonna turn this thing around. Can you read my mind?

Kinda perfect

I feel so content with my life right now and its kind of perfect. Although, I know it is about to change very much. There are so many things I needed to make peace with that I feel like I have. I never thought coming home would feel good, especially to the point where I am actually anxious about leaving again. Right now I just feel happy, and not a fake, put on a fake smile happy, but a genuine happiness that I use to think only came with hard work. Natural happiness probably doesn't occur often throughout one's life, with the stress and craziness of the world. I think my best bet is to relish in my bliss because tomorrow everything could change.
Goodnight (and it is one)
-C

Chick Flicks Should Just Stop

The Back Up Plan = Please Just Stop Already. First of all, in the real world Jennifer Lopez would never not be able to find a man, and of course she has to be successful, hot, and living in New York one of the biggest cities in the world. Give me a break. I actually had hope for this movie, maybe because artificial insemination is a recent and controversial way many women are trying to conceive. I think this movie had a lot of potential and although there were funny parts I feel like all chick flicks are just too similar. Maybe people just expect happy endings now, but I miss the feel good movies with some shock value.

Pretty Women, a reformed prostitute, pure genius. It was shocking but it works. I personally couldn't believe it at the end of My Best Friend's Wedding when Durmont Mulroney picked Cameron Diaz, but it's still clear that life would go on for Julia Roberts. Titanic, nothing is more tragic and more perfect than the death of Jack Dawson. Not to mention that Rose gets to live her life and do all that cool shit, like horse back riding on the beach. Finally, and maybe the most important words ever uttered at the end of a chick flick are "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." The final scene in Gone With the Wind when Rhett Butler leaves Scarlett O'Hara on the stair case is completely classic. It instills determination in our heroine, it does not leave with us with a picture-perfect ending, but shows how selfishness gets you no where. I don't doubt Scarlett gets her man back, but it's refreshing not knowing for sure.

I guess they just don't make girl movies like they use to, which is a real shame. But if movies were anything like real life, no one would want to watch them. Even true stories are beefed up to become more heartfelt and less honest. The classic films are always the honest ones. Guess I should have watched Glee tonight instead, which in my humble opinion, is an honest, yet feel-good representation of high school, and musicals rock (because they require real talent). Anyway that is a whole other story. Hope this rant was slightly entertaining.

-C

Strange Day

Today was such a strange day, but in a good way. Being back in Welland brings back so many memories. I felt more like myself today, and it pretty much rocked. I have felt a little out of control lately, but not in a reckless way or anything. I just feel like I can breathe clearly now, even though Guelph air quality is most likely better. I never thought being at home would make me feel this way. It's a combination of nostalgic and refreshed.

However, my room is a disaster. Maybe organizing my things has made me feel better about my disorganized life. Things will work out for me, they just have to, and I will make them. Determination is now how I function, and stressing out over everything didn't make the cut.

I never realized how good it feels to throw things out, like I use to keep every little thing forever, but making room for the new is important. A fresh start beats hanging onto the old. There are definitely things worth keeping and worth improving. But my advice to all you hoarders is if you're not totally sure something is worth having, get rid of it. My old life is out and here comes the new and improved! Hope you all are ready...

-C

Thank you Jessica Morena for being lame, now I may be equally lame...

Are you ready for some questions that you barely find in other surveys?
Obvi!

What are you about to do?
be lame

Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
Hell's yeah but recently more than ever

Do you want someone back in your life?
Absolutely.

How much money did you spend today?
I spent the majority of my day with Jess and Felicia laying around, it was awesome and free.

How do you feel about your hair right now?
My hair = long and powerful. My hair has a life of its own, a crazy tangled life but it does indeed live.

What are you doing besides this?
Sitting with my brother, we are both on our laptops not talking but chillin. It is very 21st century

Are you starting to realize anything?
I'm starting to realize that even though life can throw you a curve ball sometimes, which can be sad, it is still good, fun, exciting, and everyday is new.

Ever had a sleepover with the opposite sex?
I remember when we use to have to trick our parents and say that us girls were always sleeping at each others' houses. We always got caught, always.

Would you rather have a big house or a big garden?
As long as a house feels like home size matters very little to me (for houses ;) I would love to have a garden/pond combo.

Do you ever watch movies with the subtitles on just for fun?
Subtitles do not bother me because Jess is my best friend and I have learned to deal

Truth or Dare always turns sexual, doesnt it?
It totally does because that's the only way it's fun

Do you wish someone would show up at your front door right now?
I'm pretty content with no visitors tonight

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
My hair is past my shoulders. Is that what this question is asking?

Are you alone in the room?
Nope got the broski here.

Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
Edward Cullen (but seriously no one they are much too fucked up for anyone to handle)

How many texts are in your inbox?
The max, 100

If you had to dye your hair another color what would it be?
Red, I love having red hair but black requires way less maintenance

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you:
I usually go for taller guys but honestly height really isn't a big deal for me.

What do you wash first in the shower?
My feet and hair last

Name your last reason for using a camera?
Last night in Guelph :(

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Always depends on the weather, and I haven't watched it yet.

When you’re getting ready for something, do you listen to music?
Not really, unless I'm with people and excited

Do you have any nieces or nephews?
No I'm the oldest.

Could you go a month without cursing?
I couldn't go a whole day. My own mother tried to give up swearing for lent and lasted only a couple hours

Would you ever live with any of your best friends?
I would totally, and I will miss living with Naomi.

Will this Friday be a good one?
It's my mom 50 birthday so yeah should be good.

Whens the last time you cried yourself to sleep?
Oh you know...it happens..sometimes.

Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for?
Yes a select few.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
No that's ridiculous, it was my mommy.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
Yeah last night I slept in Jess' bed because mine was covered in stuff.

Was this weekend a good one?
It was different, left Guelph, came home to Welland...no more school and it hasn't really sunk in.

Do you like thunderstorms?
They freak me out, I like to be close to someone during them

Whats the weather like outside?
Night time weather

When is your birthday?
10/10 baby

Are you wearing jeans right now?
yes which is crazy because I'm at home and it's late.

What color is your shirt right now?
University of Guelph History sweater and currently my favorite piece of clothing

Do any of your friends annoy you?
Naw I don't gravitate towards annoying people

Have you seen your best friend(s) cry?
Yeah, it is sad but sometimes necessary

Do you like late night phone calls?
I use to be sort of addicted to them, but now they are more of a treat. Druken ones not so good though.

What drink do you usually want if your thristy?
Water, especially Guelph tap water..I will miss the water sooo much

Have you seen pretty girls but have such nasty hearts there ugly?
What constitutes a "nasty heart?" Is that like Lord No Heart (Care Bears style)?

What bothers you most about being under 18?
shit eh I shouldn't be 21 and filling this out

Would you say your well liked?
I have lots of friends on facebook..does that count?

Has your bestfriend ever seen you naked?
I actually don't think so...no naked pictures are allowed on facebook :(

Can you say you’ve been in love?
Yeah, LOVE HURTS!!!OH yeah

How many people have you kissed?
No idea.

How did you and the person you hate get to this point?
hate is too strong of a word...too much hate not enough love

Do awkward moments make you sweat?
I'm just a sweaty girl, sweaty but not smelly (not always smelly..hopefully :)

On rainy days what are you mostly doing?
Sleeping i hate rain..and i mean hate!

Do you listen to sad music when your upset?
No happy music, I liked to be cheered up

Has anyone laughed in your face when your crying?
That's just an awful thing to do

What color are your nails and toe nails?
My nails are Navy Blue..it's pretty

If your in a hurry how do you do your hair?
Idiot clip...classic

What’s your current dream job?
Rockstar Historian

When you cry can you talk clear?
No I'm one of those awkward breathing criers and it's not pretty

What’s your most common mood?
Generally happy

Do you like poems?
No..thank you English minor. But I absolutely adore a well written novel.

Going Gaga for Gaga

If I could be anyone in the world for a day (currently living) I would totally be Lady Gaga.

She is so extreme, yet so confident. I think she is amazingly talented and did such an incredible job making a splash, which isn't easy in the 21st century. She is a combination of Cher, Madonna, and Boy George. A total shock to the world, and it works for me. It must be totally awesome to reinvent yourself the way she has, and to do that and still be ridiculously talented. Like the girl can sing (and I have no doubts that she is in fact a female, allegations that she is a man are stupid). People can't handle different, yeah she wears leotards, get over it already. Lady Gaga could also definitely be anyone, she has that whole Hannah Montana thing going on, like blonde wig and fake name, completely possible and wicked.

Sometimes I think about how being a different person for a while would actually be nice. Do you ever feel like you need a break from your life? Being someone else would solve that because you could have change, without it really effecting your real life. Too bad I can't sing, and would look terrible as a blonde. Maybe I just need to find myself or whatever. Now that I am done school I guess anything is possible. Makes me feel a little crazy. But crazy is good, works well for some. You go Gaga!

It's about life

I think everyone, at some point in their life, loses a sense of who they are. Being alone can bring tremendous amounts of clarity. I love to be with people and I am constantly running from place to place, but eventually, loneliness creeps up on you. Sometimes its just better to breathe in and step away from everything and everyone. Loneliness both depresses me but relaxes me, and as scary as it is, its new and refreshing.

Tomorrow is my last shift at Bulk Barn, and Friday is my last undergraduate university exam. It's the end of an era. I have lived in Guelph for four years; I have made a life for myself, and saying goodbye to an old life is incredibly painful. Being comfortable has always been my safety net in life, and it terrifies me to leave, to change. I have no choice, and on days like today, it feels both challenging and gratifying to think about moving on. To think about growing up.

I wish I had all the answers, and I wish that right now my life made sense, even if it just made sense to me. But when I look back to when I was younger, even a couple years, I think about how much I have been forced to learn. I wonder if I would have made better decisions if I knew then what I know now. And I'm doing okay because knowledge is power (As Francis Bacon once argued, and its too bad I didn't know that for my science and society final, although I do now!).

Lately there have been people who have both disappointed me and surprised me, and as important as some people are in my life, I am slowly learning that my life can't be focused on every other person and how to make them happy. Your life should be about you. I am learning, about me, about what I want, and what I deserve, and it feels damn good. And with that dear reader I bid you goodnight.

-C

Cruel Intentions

Do you ever feel like maybe you're becoming a bad person? Or a person who makes poor choices, does mean things to people who are potentially good?

I use to think there were two types of people, that you were either good or bad. Without a doubt I would have called myself a good person, strong morals and values, honest, hardworking. Lately things seem a little blurred. It's not about being good or bad because there are definitely shades of gray. I don't want to hurt anyone. Is it wrong to make decisions based on your own selfish interests, even though it might directly hurt someone else? Not someone you love just someone else, someone potentially good, better than you. I want to be good, but sometimes it feels good to be bad.

The bad guys always get screwed, and I don't mean good vs. bad guy in a conventional sense. I mean the selfish, gray characters. For example, Anne just wanted to be Queen and lost her head, Scarlett wanted Ashley and lost Rhett, Lady Macbeth could never get the blood stains off her hands, and Kathryn just wanted to have sex with her brother, but got busted for a coke addiction. Great characters, successful women, selfish, and ruined. They put up such an admirable fight to get what they want, and get so close, but ultimately they don't deserve it. I always find myself rooting for these characters, and maybe its because on a level I can relate. It scares me, to be driven and not succeed, but perhaps, what scares me more is to push too hard and succeed by non-honourable means. I would never do anything to jeopardize what I have worked for, but doing even little hurtful things can spiral you into becoming a person you never thought you could be. All because of simple, cruel intentions.

-C

A Heart Full of Bitterness

Bitterness, it can overwhelm you. Not letting go is a terrible distraction. I just keep telling myself to take my time. I don't want to slow down and everything feels different. I wish I could sleep, but being awake is more relaxing.

Today I realized that its impossible to cram two and a half centuries worth of Early Modern English conflict, violence, religion, and politics into six hours of studying. Why people go to the quiet section of the library to have conversations about getting busted for drug dealing is beyond me. Why aren't these people in jail? Irrelevant. Why are these people at my table, at my library, at my University? How do they find me? Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time, but I'm sure people would annoy me just as much.

With the bad comes the good, almost always. One exam is separating me from my degree, its the home stretch and I can't wait! Look out world, here I come.

-C

Why (in my humble opinion) Toronto Sucks

1)There were several times where I was afraid for my life.
2)The traffic is crazy, like people are actually insane. I think if you are going to drive in Toronto you need to have a special license. There should be a test to re-educate Toronto people on how to drive safely without almost killing people like a hundred times a day.
3) Everyone is either really skinny, or really weird. I think it's because so many people walk (obviously because they are too afraid to drive and who can blame them) but honestly some of the girls think the middle of the afternoon is a serious fashion show. Damn skinny, pretty girls make me look bad. All the business people are fit and very professional looking. And the other people on the street well I just don't know what to say, I'm so small town, we only had one crazy guy (Crazy Pat) and no one went near him.
4)It's crowded and loud all the time.
5)It is easy to get sucked into the Eaton Centre (I spent the whole day there and time just flew by like rapid fire)

However, the big city is exciting and makes you feel alive. People who live in Toronto are brave and must lead interesting lives. The experience made me a little wary for London, but still the possible adventures that await make city life indescribable.

-C

You Say Goodbye And I Say Hello

Today was a good day. My mind felt clear for once, and it's been a long time since I've felt that way. After writing an exam, the relief you feel is amazing, like you have completely emptied your brain, and now it can just melt away until you force it to think again.

I felt happy too. I will miss Guelph, the way the city makes me feel, and the people here who have become like my family. I will miss all the simple things too. The Guelph buses have been a crucial part of my life, they take you anywhere, anytime, for free! I can't imagine not walking through campus, even through the slush, rain, wind, and the deadly uneven bricks that have tried to kill me over the years, the university is so beautiful. When the sun does decide to shine, I swear the place glows. In Guelph people seem to hold doors open for others, even if it's not at all convenient. The school is filled with smiling and approachable people, and it just feels like home.

Four years have passed, if you are like me change is frightening, but it is also inevitable. Optimism is key, and the future is bright. You say goodbye and I say hello...hello, hello :)

-C

Ugggh!

One of the most painful things in life is being trapped inside forced to study a subject you have completely given up on when the weather outside is gorgeous and calling to you. The French Revolution is pissing me off. I am so done with this semester that I have not been able to force myself to study, which is pathetic and potentially dangerous. I wish I had the capability, like so many others, not to care so much about school. It would eliminate much of the stress that I allow to rule my life. I need to get out of this city, nay this country. I need a fresh start...I need a revolution in my life!

Procrastination

This will not be an ingenious piece of writing, a work of art, an all inspiring story, or even anything particularly worth reading. I need change in my life, and this is a small step forward.

I never really understood blogs, journals are more personal and truly revealing of a person's character. However, journals are private, boring and not at all 21st century. Blogs are a public display of one's life, which is both fascinating and creepy. Life today revolves around public outlets like facebook and twitter, where people are constantly publishing everyday life experiences for strangers ("friends") to see. So why not jump on the band wagon with a blog? Right now I'd rather do anything than study.

-C