It's about life

I think everyone, at some point in their life, loses a sense of who they are. Being alone can bring tremendous amounts of clarity. I love to be with people and I am constantly running from place to place, but eventually, loneliness creeps up on you. Sometimes its just better to breathe in and step away from everything and everyone. Loneliness both depresses me but relaxes me, and as scary as it is, its new and refreshing.

Tomorrow is my last shift at Bulk Barn, and Friday is my last undergraduate university exam. It's the end of an era. I have lived in Guelph for four years; I have made a life for myself, and saying goodbye to an old life is incredibly painful. Being comfortable has always been my safety net in life, and it terrifies me to leave, to change. I have no choice, and on days like today, it feels both challenging and gratifying to think about moving on. To think about growing up.

I wish I had all the answers, and I wish that right now my life made sense, even if it just made sense to me. But when I look back to when I was younger, even a couple years, I think about how much I have been forced to learn. I wonder if I would have made better decisions if I knew then what I know now. And I'm doing okay because knowledge is power (As Francis Bacon once argued, and its too bad I didn't know that for my science and society final, although I do now!).

Lately there have been people who have both disappointed me and surprised me, and as important as some people are in my life, I am slowly learning that my life can't be focused on every other person and how to make them happy. Your life should be about you. I am learning, about me, about what I want, and what I deserve, and it feels damn good. And with that dear reader I bid you goodnight.

-C